the state of illinois facing another fiscal year of budget chrisis has decided to institute a beard tax. The idea sprang from governor quinns recent trip to st petersberg russia. on his flight there he listened to an audiobook on peter the great. "this isnt my first choice to increase revenue, but we are running out of options, its time to think outside the normal income generating revenue streams" said the clean shaven quinn. the tax is set to begin feb 1st, in the heart of the winter. While many in the state will remain unaffected those in wicker park, logan square and ukranian village feel specifically targeted. men who choose to wear beards must pay a monthly tax of $500. Failure to pay could result in further fines and ultimately jail time to those who are non compliant. "this is total b.s man, if I don't pay some beard tax ill wind up in the gulag? are we really going back to 18th century Russia man?" said local bearded man humberto quintanna. Pub owners have expressed outrage in logan square as well "my customers bitch about a $2 pbr, they cant afford this, once again the poor and downtrodden are targets of some barbaric tax" said joe greco, owner of barcade on California ave. some in the gold coast and Lincoln park expressed support. "i think its a great idea, the state needs money and it will make those ratty hipsters more presentable" said tom kutnick a marketing manager. Mayor Dailey has refused to comment. Local historian Langdon Algar claims "the beard tax was instituted by Peter the Great to bring Russia into modern times, this seems to be bringing us back to the time of Tsarist Russia" ZZ top has expressed interest in playing a benefit concert to raise awareness of the issue.
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